In a way, I started out 2017 feeling as, if not more, broken, than I had felt at the start of 2016. While I had shed myself of both a marriage and a job that had become unhealthy for me, I was left with a giant feeling of “what’s next?” And a lot of empty space and time to fill. There were many tears, as I stumbled through smaller relationships and workings, in a way similar to trying on clothes in a dressing room. I spent a lot of time on job sites. I spent a lot of time on Tinder. They aren’t dissimilar, actually. A lot of putting out the version of yourself you think someone is going to be attracted to, and trying not to beg people for that attraction.
Then I stopped.
I realized that I was receiving back was unfulfilling. It was a “OK, I’ll do this for you, but only if…” Only if I was quieter. Only if I would settle for less money than I thought I deserved. Only if I would do work that was not fulfilling. Only if I put out. Only if I was available between the hours of 10-2.
I deleted Tinder (and Bumble, and OKCupid, and all the other sites out there). I stopped looking at Indeed obsessively. Instead, I committed to working more on myself as a whole. I read Miracle Mornings. I went to a life coaching seminar. I talked a lot to my therapist. I started meditating and journaling and affirming myself on a daily basis.
And within LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, my mindset had completely shifted. I finally, for the first time in 35 years, truly believed I was worthy – just as I was.
In that two weeks, I landed the full time job of my dreams. I had four gyms contact me to teach dance fitness. I stumbled into…something…of a romantic persuasion that I haven’t fully quite figured out yet, but that is true and honest and good and open and completely makes sense for me WHERE I AM AT NOW.
I know this sounds like a lot of self help woo woo. But I think there are more of us out there that aren’t fully awake to themselves and their potential. Here’s how I knew:
I started listening to myself when it said “If only I could…”
and answering it with: “well, why don’t you?”
The only thing that’s stopping you is you.