Like most of the world out there, 2016 was a Great. Big. Cluster of a Year for me, and it resulted in some forms of radio silence from this space. I’m ready to come clean with you on some of them:
- I’m no longer married. I’ve really struggled to figure out just how to address that in this space. I don’t want to get into the details, out of respect to my ex-spouse. We’re still friends, and are committed to raising our children together.
- I’m in therapy. You should be too. If you haven’t been, and you’re struggling in any way, I urge you to go. It’ll be the best money you ever spend. And if it isn’t, you don’t have the right therapist. I was very deliberate with finding a person who meets the direction I want to take my life, and she has been everything I have been looking for. I’ve confronted a lot of demons from my past, and discovered some others that I didn’t even realize were having an impact on me. I’m nowhere near whole yet, but I’m a lot closer now than I have ever been.
- I’m a terrible date. I’ve been with my now ex-spouse since I was 19, and before him I had very limited significant male relations. It’s been a true challenge for me to figure out how the dating world works in the 21st century. I’ve realized just how poorly I’ve been at revealing my authentic self to people, mostly due to fear of rejection from my past. It’s amazing to me how much gender roles have changed even since I was dating the first time around, or maybe it’s just my awareness of the fact that they exist? For instance, I consider myself a staunch feminist…but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a man to buy me dinner or open the door for me.
- I’m a terrible date, part 2: I have no idea what or who I am looking for. Am I even looking for a romantic partner right now?I haven’t a clue. I have let a few new people into my life, and while it’s been deeply uncomfortable at times, I have already learned so much about myself, what I value, and why my past relationships didn’t work. Other things I’ve learned: Sylvan Esso makes great music, Game of Thrones is an incredible TV show, The Cosmos in Lansing has amazing pizza, and not all beer is disgusting.
- I’m no longer gainfully employed. I also finally realized that my self worth is not tied to what I do for a living, and that what I was doing was making me deeply unhappy. I was devoting too much time to travelling back and forth to work, and feeling obliged to care about things that didn’t resonate in my heart. I’ve been working in a retail environment for close to eight years, and to say it out loud: I really don’t care about sales, profits, and margin. So now: I’m figuring out what the next thing is. It won’t be a full-time career, I can tell you that. I’ve struggled with working in fear for my entire adult life, and I’m not going to live that way anymore.
- I love my children both dearly. I don’t love dealing with them together. Holy cow, outnumbered parenting is the worst thing ever. I have no clue how people with more than two children deal. Every moment they are talking over each other, fighting, injuring each other, breaking objects, etc. etc. Is this just an impact of divorce? Do I have evil children? I hope not.
- I have a home and a roommate. As part of our settlement, ex-husband and I each landed with our own house. Mine is the newer one, close to parents, in a suburban city that’s starting to find its way. My BFF and her 7-year-old son have also moved in to prevent me from being lonely and to help me figure out how to actually use my appliances correctly.
Thanks for allowing me to come clean. I’ve got big plans for this year in this space – so hopefully I haven’t lost all my readers 🙂
Inspired by a Jess Lively post of the same name.